In my last issue, (the article below) It seems that everybody have focused on discussing the issue of marriage without looking at the bigger picture. Thanks for all the comments, specially the supportive ones (kudos to 3lo G)
Though, the bigger picture here is that parents are willing to set you up with a girl that you have no idea about. And once you ask them to introduce her to you over the simplest not even 3eeb method which is the "MSN" they consider it a taboo and insist that you have to get engaged first then "allah kareem". And as everybody know, In our culture an engagement is a strong commitment that you cannot cancel without causing a war between the two families.
In the last issue (the article below) I asked for her MSN and things really paused from there. When I insisted that id have to get her MSN before committing myself to her and getting engaged the following happened:
They turned defensive and gave me the weirdest excuses to avoid us communicating over MSN (is this a warning that she is totally not my type and my parents are afraid that they will be caught red handed?)
Recap from last article:
Me: whats her MSN?
the room turns silent .....
Episode 2:
Me: Well, I ain't committing myself to a total stranger without really knowing her.
Mom: Huh? flirt .. ya go flirt with her ba3ad !
(no comments)
Sister: ya f'6eee7a (what a shame), what if you talked to her then canceled the marriage, that's a big insult to her dignity.
Me: that would be a far bigger insult to me for setting me up with a girl that I might spend all my life hating.
Mom: What will her parents say once they hear that you want to talk to their daughter?
Me: Look, I am not talking to her, we are "chatting" .. C-H-A-T-T-I-N-G .. and you don't really need to go forward and ask her parents for her MSN E-mail. My Sister will get it, isn't that right?
Mom (and here is the $1M excuse): well... mmm... she might not ... mmm.. know how to use MSN.
Me: well then that's a very good indicator that she isn't educated enough to be my type.
I think I should even raise my standards to the following: types fast, has a good blog, and read romantic novels. But for now, the simplest could work if my parents comply with my demand (give me her MSN now !)
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8 comments:
Dear sultan, u believe it is ok to get a girl who u might consider to marry MSN and chat with her..
I will take it from the other side, imagine you are the girl brother and you know that a guy wanna chat with your sister for the sake of knowing each other. Man it is just weird. I can imagine myself asking “hey sis can u get your friend email I wanna chat with her if she is OK I will consider marriage”
U can go with your mother to the girl house, ask about her, if she is your sis friend…. Don’t be shallow
We guys always that we can do whatever we want but another guy want to do the same to out relative we say “y5ase mno yt7ara 3mrah mayst7e….. and if we are crazy enough we say ba’9rbah”
I wouldnt mind getting the E-Mail, or even phone number after the engagment if and ONLY IF the engagment wasnt that big of a commitment in our culture.
I have a strong feeling that getting engaged to this girl or any girl my parents bring forward to me is as strong as getting married to her.
I wont be able to break up the engagment just for the sake of my parents not losing their face infront of the other family. And the whole UAE community. (since you know, a salfah can get all around the UAE in 1 day)
Plus, I will be brainwashed to continue with the engagment sooner or later.
I dont really wanna risk it you know.
The question is,,, Will you allow that for your daughter? (The msn thing)
To me, a7is ina 3adi, ma dam ina the guy asking for her MAKES IT KNOWN... (mb ina tsweeha fil das... But then again I dont have a daughter :-)
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(The following is a very funny take on your situation, IM NOT SERIOUS):
Look here is my reasoning: Blonde girl = Tall kids = Marraigable
If A = B = C, therefore A = C...
Screw msn, go for hair color :-p
( I swear it was funny when i thought of it :-D)
i actually know what you are going through.
I mean if you both talk to each other, and it doesnt work out, the families would be hurt. Then there may be ill feelings between the two families.
If there is a way that there was a meidator between the two of you guys, who can help you in this process. The go to person. Older, mature,someone you both can trust, and of course has experience. They can help you go through this step by step. First emails,then msn, etc. You have to ask each other important questions, and not just simply 'chat'. You both have to come in level headed.
It may not work out, its good to know this before your stuck in an unhappy marriage.
You are going to build this life together, i guess its your right to get to know each other. I mean you want to be happy right?
good luck. inshallah khair.
This is a big decision so don't let it just evolve around msn and only because that is not okay, so the whole thing should be off. (this is not g/f b/f stuff, which reminded me to ask, isn't it weird and kind of wrong that you have a g/f and thinking of getting married to ANOTHER girl at the same time? or maybe I just don't know the way things are done these days, please do tell.)
Anyways, I would say that most logical way to go with it is to try and know as much as you can about the girl and there are facts that will help you decide if it might work or not, and then meet with her (Mo7ram is there of course) and talk (and check out if she's ugly or not) then only AFTER that you get to decide if you want to commit or not, that's your right too so don't let them cheat you.
(makes it sound like a business transaction, but I just know that some people get married before even seeing each other, weird and scary.
I also have a question (that others wanted to ask too)... Why romantic novels? Why not something more intellectual? or afraid she might know more than you...?
MJ said...
isn't it weird and kind of wrong that you have a g/f and thinking of getting married to ANOTHER girl at the same time?
there isnt anything bout us getting married. Am only giving both my parents and the girl the benefit of the doubt.
MJ said...
also have a question (that others wanted to ask too)... Why romantic novels? Why not something more intellectual? or afraid she might know more than you...?
my standards aint high enough? that was the minimum my dear
First, I find it wrong to be chatting with the girl ur gonna marry. First and I'm sure most of the guys will feel it, they wil think she's easy and she might even be talking to others as well. Then, how can there be a marriage build in NO TRUST!! At least that's what I think.
I totally agree on what fragile said!! You won't say yes if it was for your sis or anyone in ur family, but it's ok if it's a stranger.
Anyway, I know that we always look in different ways because of our cultures which makes as hopeless sometimes. But first, nothing wrong in seeing the girl's face. and then u see if she's in ur taste or not. Then if there is engagment, u can talk to her during that time to get to know her, so u decide if she's worth it or not. Some families might not accept it, but some does. This needs a lot of talking really because that's why most guys marry from their families because they somehow know them. Anyway, u can always break the engagment when u feel that u can't continue with it and it happens a lot and it's ok. There is nothing wrong in breaking the engagment since nothing serious happened.
My big bro married my cousin who was talking to him after engagment to clear a misunderstanding since she wasn't so into the marriage and it happened with her bro helping her. So, why not asking ur sis to help u with this?? Like, sending her some letters and she send u back but of course after engagment that is...
I'm not sure if this gonna help and I don't find it wrong to break up any engagment at all. It's ok as long as ur not married, right??
I wish u all the best!! T.C!!
There's a degree in romance knowing that she might not have MSN. However, fantasies can soon become nightmares without simple communication with the one you intend to spend the rest of your life with. I know it's a big cultural thing but in this day and age, and with the rising number of divorces, and changing culture, society needs to adapt and be a bit more open. And this means the egos of the 2 families need to be a little less to accommodate interaction between you and her: after all, there would be a bigger "war" if, God forbid, you found yourself to be incompatible as a couple after marriage or engagement! I would say at least a meeting would be in order to see if you get along. Then you get to know each other a little - in "acceptable" ways - and then...you tie the knot and have zillions of babies!
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